If your relationship has ditched the honeymoon phase and is no longer giving Beyoncé’s ‘Dangerously In Love’, you need to hear this.
When you’ve experienced the whirlwind of a new romance, entering an era of stability in your relationship can feel deprived of fun and excitement. Spending days, weeks or years together can kill the thrill of the unexpected, and after that initial infatuation has worn off, you may be left longing the anticipation you left behind. But is moving from the honeymoon phase a valid reason to end things?
Relationships can always become mundane no matter who you’re with. Usually after three months to a year, you’ve seen all the farting, nakedness and snoring that would once have been embarrassing, and although being comfortable can be a beautiful thing, it can sometimes feel sacrificial of the spark and excitement.
Dating expert, Chris Pleines, explained that it’s very common for couples to feel bored at some point and says that research suggests the honeymoon phase only lasts between 3 and 24 months. “The change typically occurs when the initial excitement turns into a more steady and predictable feeling. For example, communication could become focussed on practical matters, rather than being flirty and trying to impress one another.”
So, it’s clear that beginning to feel a bit flat is normal. But with strong connections taking time to build, should they really be tossed away when the spark dies down? Lacking fun and excitement isn’t always a sign that your partner is from yawn-ville, but sometimes reflects the fact you have both begun to lack effort.
23-year-old Molly has been with her boyfriend for three years and explained that after she hit the year mark, she was having serious doubts about their longevity. “We were infatuated with each other at first, but once the honeymoon phase ended it was a huge reality hit. I was no longer seeing the relationship as perfect and I started to miss the thrill of the unexpected.”
Molly agreed that for a lot of couples, the end of that initial infatuation can feel confusing and it requires effort from both sides to maintain the good vibes. “You suddenly realise you’re committing to a person and it’s not just a bit of fun, which can be really scary. For those first months, everything is naturally intense, but eventually other priorities will start to creep in.
“You can end up feeling forgotten about and it’s such a hard transition. At this point you definitely realise what your intentions are with a person and whether you are willing to love and accept them for who they are. It’s like a moment of make or break.”
Both Molly and her boyfriend contemplated breaking up, but decided they were just struggling with the adjustment of outside factors. They made sure to carve out quality time and prioritise communication, so despite them both being busy, they remained feeling important to one another.
Pleines also highlighted that date nights, new hobbies and open conversations are more than capable of reigniting that honeymoon phase spark. “The need for quality time is often forgotten when both parties get comfortable, but showing your partner that you still appreciate them by taking the time to put down your phone and show affection is really powerful. Feeling bored isn’t always a reason to break up and you may just require some adjustments.”
And hey! Leaving the honeymoon phase isn’t always doom and gloom. 22-year-old Psychology student, Hannah, explained that she feels a lot more comfortable with her partner after being together for a year and a half. “I feel like our relationship is so much more secure now. It is tricky to get over that initial hurdle, but it just made our connection even stronger.
“It is clear we are both committed to each other now and not just going off feelings of excitement. I don’t have to worry about embarrassing myself either because I know he won’t just bin me off for something stupid.
“It’s so easy to run when things change, but that starts a negative cycle. People end up hopping from honeymoon phase to honeymoon phase all their lives and never feel able to settle down.”
So girls, let’s come to terms with the fact that relationships won’t always be obsessive lust, excitement and the inability to keep your hands off each other. A relationship with longevity is not going to always make you feel on the edge of your seat, and that’s okay. The honeymoon phase is fun and all, but partnership, deep affection and stability is what could bring happiness in the long run.
Expert insight: Chris Pleins
Chris is a relationship psychologist from Dating Scout, which is a site that reviews dating apps, as well as providing sex and relationship advice. He has been quoted as dating expert by several media outlets, such as The Daily Mail, Cosmopolitan and Metro.
