You’re blushing just thinking about masturbating, I just know it.
Maybe you’ve even waited to get off the train to read it, or you’ve got a long journey ahead of you and you can’t quite wait, so you’ve turned the brightness right down and look as if you’re navel gazing as you discreetly read this outrageously scandalous article about women and masturbation.
But why is it that we feel a little rosy-cheeked about masturbation?
Especially when any and every man wouldn’t be afraid to admit they masturbate daily, maybe even more.
If women are allowed to enjoy sex just as much as men, why can’t they enjoy masturbation too?
Even the notion that we could be aroused by ourselves and potentially have a better time than some (most) of our sexual encounters is not something we want to admit out loud.
Worst still, we find it humiliating for our partners or best friends to know we do it and would probably deny if they asked us because they then follow it with “what were you thinking about?” When really you were thinking about nothing because your vibrator is just that good and you know your own body that well.
And finally, us women in our 20s are told consistently to enjoy life so much and feel so liberated, free and excited so I want to know why that excludes self-pleasure?
I’m about to let you in on a secret…. I masturbate. Potentially more than the average person, maybe less, but who knows what the ‘normal’ is when no one dares to talk about it or admit it.
I want to talk about it, and I think I’m ready to admit it too.
Warning, I am about to write a full-disclosure on all the ways I enjoy masturbation, why, and encourage you to see for yourself that a little alone time can be so much fun.
Sex sex and more sex is what me and my friends talk about all the time, but not masturbation as if it’s embarrassing that we pleasure ourselves vs someone else who doesn’t know our body half as well as we do.
If we can’t make ourselves come, we don’t know ourselves as much as we think.
That’s what I think at least, anyways.
I started to masturbate or wank (let’s just get that word out of the way because I know it’s grimly sat at the forefront of your mind like a barrier between wanting an orgasm and feeling like you’ve broken some kind of law) when I was 17.
One of my girls bought the entire group a vibrator because she said her boyfriend was using it in the bedroom, but I thought I’d prefer to try it alone because I knew I could have way more fun.
I started to learn what I liked and what didn’t work for me.
Through my (sometimes daily) experience of using a vibrator, it ended up being crucial for me to unlock some actual fun.
Now, I am sure if I didn’t masturbate, I would have still learnt about my preferences only it would have been so… much….. Slower.
Mainly because if I tried it all out on a man he probably wouldn’t know or care about the functions of each part of my vagina because he’s too busy thinking about himself, naturally.
There was the factor of learning about myself, having a little fun before bed, but also the comfort of being in my own bed, in my own time and thinking about whatever the fuck I wanted.
Those childish questions women get bombarded with used to fill me with dread – if god-forbid someone did find out I masturbated – but now I just roll my eyes at.
Questions like “what do you watch?” or “do you have to watch porn to get off?” are not only immature and belittling for women when we know SO many men watch it, but quite possibly true and why are we calling it out? Can’t I imagine whoever I want, or watch a raunchy scene whilst doing it if I want to?
Why is it something to mock or even be so surprised at that sex is desirable for women when they’re alone?
At 17 I was bright red when I was handed a vibrator and I thought it was like a secret mission for me to find out if I could really enjoy my sexual health away from a partner and guess what… I bloody could, shame free too.
I’ve been in and out of relationships since, and I’ve masturbated throughout. Some may find this disturbing as they don’t want their partner to do it unless it’s with them but isn’t alone time something we should all keep and use every now and again?
Being single was a whole new ball game because there is this pressure in your 20s to be enjoying your sexual freedom, exploring and being creative but that’s something genuinely terrifying to me.
I’m not this free spirit that isn’t afraid of one night stands and trying things I never have before, but what I have become a master at is knowing what turns me on, what makes me orgasm and what I require to have a good time.
And seriously, you can never know yourself well enough. I think that understanding your preferences, what you like and don’t like is crucial to enjoy sex with a partner and even if you weren’t doing it to learn, what about if you’re a little bored and feeling spontaneous?
Have a wank and see if you’re bored after, spoiler, you won’t.
