For many of us being a girl’s girl is a given. If the person you are seeing slips up, they are automatically cancelled for all. If you majorly fuck up, after some tough love we will all be taking that to our grave, in a room full of girls unwavering love is never far away.
For me, it isn’t even a question of whether I am a girl’s girl or one of the boys. For the most part, I don’t think I have thick enough skin to withstand boy banter. I’d take the pre night out girl hype over the cutting insults from men masked as humour any day.
I will put my hands up, if you don’t class yourself as a girl’s girl, the phrase pick me comes to mind but that is simply because I cannot relate. So just why is it that some girls will always be known as the girl with guy mates?
‘‘It’s essential to recognise that individual preferences and experiences shape our social connections, and there is no one-size-fits-all explanation for why some women may gravitate towards male friendships,’’ says relationship counsellor, Dr Martha Lee. ‘‘One possible reason is that societal expectations and stereotypes about female friendships can sometimes create pressure or conflict for some individuals. Some women may feel more comfortable or less judged in their interactions with men, as they may perceive male friendships as less complicated, competitive, or judgmental than relationships with other women.’’
I am aware I sound like being a girl’s girl is my only personality trait but I can see the appeal of the simplicity that lies within male friendships. I have had my fair share of diabolical female friend moments. As much as we would all like to deny it being two faced is our speciality, although I do think as we get older it is decreasing. But high school and girl groups were not for the faint-hearted, it was full of tears, tantrums and low blows.
‘‘Studies show that competition and comparison can indeed play a role in female friendships. Some studies have shown that girls and women may experience higher levels of relational aggression and social comparison in same-sex friendships, leading to feelings of jealousy and rivalry. This competitive atmosphere can make some girls seek out friendships with boys, where they perceive less direct competition and a more relaxed social dynamic.
‘‘Professor Deborah Tannen found that girls who prefer the company of boys often exhibit different communication styles, such as being more direct and less focused on emotional sharing, which aligns more closely with male communication patterns. These girls may also adopt a more competitive or playful interaction style, which can be more prevalent in male peer groups,’’ says clinical psychologist, Sarah Bishop.
I can see how befriending men decreases the chance of jealousy and comparison as we really are worlds apart but male and female friendships come with their own issues. Are you really telling me you don’t fancy each other because unfortunately there are too many times to count now when conveniently two best friends who always deny their feelings suddenly start dating.
‘‘While research provides valuable insights into the factors influencing a girl’s preference for socialising with boys over girls, including individual personality traits, interests, and early socialisation experiences. It is crucial to remember that every individual is unique, and multiple factors shape our social preferences,’’ says Bishop.
It appears there is no clear-cut answer for why some women gravitate towards men despite me finding the concept unthinkable. But I guess if they can provide you with sound relationship advice, happily listen to you debunk the same dilemma time and time again and sympathise with our ever-changing emotional turmoil then maybe we should all give it a go.
Expert insight: Dr Martha Lee
Dr Martha Lee is a relationship counsellor and clinical Sexologist at Eros Coaching.
Expert insight: Sarah Bishop
Sarah Bishop is a clinical psychologist who has dedicated her time to provide services for the NHS in various capacities since 2004.
