Sometimes compliments are just a nicety. Other times compliments can turn your bad day into a good day with one simple sentence.
I hate going to the hairdressers. The endless small talk. Plus, the fact you’re forced to watch someone cut away at your hair not knowing if you’re going to like the final result. My version of hell happened to me last week. As the hairdresser put down her scissors and dyson hairdryer I stared into the mirror fixated on my hair. I was unsure about it. We discussed a lob-kinda cut but I couldn’t help thinking it was giving Monica Geller’s hair after Phoebe cut it on Friends because I have never had a haircut that short.
Packing up my stuff, I paid the bill and left a tip (she made a lovely dark chocolate mocha), all the while thinking about the looks I was going to get as I walked to the car. As I hunt for my keys, catching my reflection in the mirror I think how on earth I was going to style this mop on my head.
As I pulled out my keys one woman parked next to me got out of her car. She stared at me and smiled. Okay, it’s only been five minutes and someone is laughing at my hair, I thought. Oh that? Just the sound of my self-esteem dropping below zero, no biggy. “Fresh haircut?” she says across the roof of our cars.
“Yes it is,” I say with a nervous laugh. I just wanted to shrivel up, thinking I’d become a funny story she’d tell her friend over coffee.
“It looks really gorgeous,” she says as I look up surprised. She locked her car up and walked away.
As I watched her walk away I suddenly felt on top of the world. Looking in the car door mirror, I wasn’t looking at someone embarrassed or shrivelled up but someone confident and empowered. I felt so good.
Shaurya Gahlawat, psychologist and psychotherapist, believes women appreciate compliments from other women for very simple reasons. “Women feel other women know what is right, what is better, what is beautiful, what is trendy in better ways than men,” says Gahlawat. “They know other women would get it so there is a perceived sense of power and authenticity that women radiate”.
Research has shown compliments often make people feel better than most people anticipate. Even though the exchange of giving and receiving a compliment only lasts around 30 seconds, the benefits can leave an undeniable impression.
“Compliments provide validation and recognition, which can boost self-esteem and reinforce positive self-perceptions,” says Gahlawat. “When individuals receive compliments, they feel acknowledged and valued, contributing to feelings of self-worth and confidence”.
Gahlawat also believes compliments don’t just impact our self-esteem but can increase our emotional health by invoking positive emotions like happiness and appreciation and enhance social connections whether it’s with friends, family, colleagues or romantic partners.
So next time, instead of thinking to yourself: ‘Oh wow I love their outfit’ or ‘That piece of work was really impressive’ share those thoughts. Especially if you see them nervously checking out their fresh haircut like I was!
Shaurya Gahlawat
Shaurya Gahlawat is a psychologist and psychotherapist specialising in relationships. After earning her Masters in Psychology- Counselling from Christ University, Shaurya aims to spread awareness for mental well-being through her work as a mental health influencer. In addition to her social media work she is also the Chief Psychologist at her own clinical practice ,TWS, and a guest professor of Counseling Psychology, where she shares her expertise and passion for the field with future mental health professionals.
