Whether it’s an emotional epiphany in the cinema or belting a breakup anthem you can’t relate to, Chloe Evans unpacks the highs and lows of being a sensitive girl and why it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
We’ve all heard the stereotype about women being more emotional than men: unfortunately, every single person who menstruates has likely been asked if they are on their period, or has been told they’re acting ‘hysterical’ whilst their male counterparts are being ‘logical’ or ‘passionate’. It’s a classic case of sexism 101.
Studies have actually proven that it’s scientifically false. Exhibit A is a 2021 study by the University of Michigan, who monitored men’s and women’s fluctuations to emotions and found little to no difference between the sexes, suggesting that their emotions fluctuate similarly but likely for different reasons, so we have absolutely no reason to listen to a word of it, and I have no intentions of giving power to the patriarchy.
However, I do know that I’m probably more emotional than the average man, and I’m not mad about it. I express every single emotion through tears: shout at me and I’ll cry, tell me you love me and I’ll cry. In fact, someone could just make the most mediocre nice comment about me and the floodgates will open.
I can’t read a birthday card without welling up, or look at old people eating alone God, don’t even get me started on the part in romance novels when he finally confesses his love for her and tells her it’s been her all along. Quite frankly, I’m an absolute mess.
It’s just the way I am, and I’ve been programmed to accept it as the norm, until someone labels me as a ‘sensitive girl’, or when someone keeps something from me because they’re worried about how I’ll react.
Imi Low, mental health consultant and published author of books such as ‘The Gift of Intensity’, works closely with individuals who ‘feel deeply’.
“Emotionally intense people feel emotions strongly, both good and bad, sometimes all at once. They deeply understand intense emotions like joy and excitement, even if others don’t feel the same”, she says.
“They are really good at noticing things that others might miss, such as small changes in how people interact, and can quickly tell if someone is hiding their feelings. They have active imaginations and think in images and metaphors, not just words. They might get lost in their love for art, books or music, feeling deeply connected to these things.”
“Sensitivity can come from various psychological factors, including natural temperament and childhood experiences such as trauma. They might be seen as ‘too sensitive’, ‘dramatic’ or ‘overreacting’ because others might not get how deep their feelings run and this leads to judgement.”.
It’s almost as if people think that being a ‘crier’ makes me weak, but I actually view it as quite the opposite. I think the fact that I feel things deeply and owning my emotions is actually quite admirable: at least I know everything is ticking up there.
It also shows that I have lots of empathy. I have mastered the art of putting myself into other people’s shoes and this is a huge plus, because it means that I care to listen to someone vent about their problems. I will also belt out the All Too Well ten minute version with the highest level of female rage even though I’m not in a relationship, nevermind going through a gut wrenching break up.
“Emotionally intense people have a heightened potential for sympathy and empathy towards others”, says Imi.
“They tend to forge strong emotional connections with people and they may easily resonate with the emotions of others. They are more easily swayed into trusting others or seeing the goodness in them.”
Research carried out in 2023 by the American Psychological Association found that women responded with more sadness to downbeat movies than men. Nothing about this comes as a shock to me, as there are certain films I would refuse to watch with anyone to save them from having to contend with my emotional state and ugly crying face.
Like every single other girl (and boyfriend that got dragged along to watch), I took myself off to the cinema last summer to watch ‘Barbie’ and guess what? I cried all the way through. It wasn’t because it was sad, but it was because I’d been so overwhelmed by the beautiful depiction of girlhood that I’d just witnessed.
It was at this moment when I looked around and saw handfuls of other girls wiping away their tears too, that I realised that we’re all one and the same- we just want to ‘close our eyes, take a deep breath and feel’.
Of course, it’s a blessing and a curse. It’s difficult to know which way the wind will blow after a sip of alcohol, and there are days when I feel like I simply can’t go on until I’ve had a good breakdown. In my opinion, the low moments are made up for by the fierce way that I feel when I’m happy, grateful and loved.
So, this is written to tell anyone who resonates with this to never be apologetic for feeling things deeply. Yes, there will always be people who don’t get it- people who think you’re overreacting, or taking things to heart. But what those people realise is that we’re the most loving creatures out there; we feel our way through life and it is intense, but we won’t take a single emotion for granted, and that’s a gift.
Expert insight: Imi Low
Imi Low is a mental health professional who specialises in working with ‘intense and gifted’ adults. She has carried out lots of research into emotional intensity and has written a range of books on the topic area, including ‘The Gift Of Intensity’, which has been internationally acclaimed and translated into multiple languages.
