If you’re just a girl who feels like she’s walking the tightrope between treating herself and spending too much on shopping, then this one’s for you.
Believing that shopping will fix our problems is a common delusion amongst a lot of us twenty-something girlies. At one point or another, we’ve all been guilty of using the slightest inconvenience as an excuse to treat ourselves. Whether we argued with a friend, got ghosted by a bae or simply had a bad hair day, we deserve something to compensate, right? Shopping has become the automatic coping mechanism for many of us and with a quick tap of our cards we can momentarily feel like life makes sense. But where can we draw the line between this being a cute little habit and a deeper-rooted problem?
Firstly, lets have a look at why shopping is so appealing to us. Psychologist and behaviour expert, Shaun Thompson, explained that when we shop we get a rush of our happy hormones, which are dopamine and serotonin. “These hormones make us feel a sense of wellbeing but they only last a short amount of time. However, shopping in general also provides people with a temporary sense of control and a distraction from their everyday worries.”
So essentially it makes us feel good. But just like any other habit, shopping can get out of control and money management plays a huge role in recognising when that point is. Being in our twenties is the first time that a lot of us will experience financial freedom and what we like to call adult money. You may be in your first big girl job or have access to an overdraft and student loan. Either way, having a lump sum of cash can be a recipe for disaster if you become hooked on the shopping high and don’t spend sensibly.
Spending coach and founder of ‘Overcoming Overspending’, Paige Pritchard, explained that when she graduated and moved back home, she realised her spending habits were getting excessive. “I was making good money in my new job but then when a year was up and I couldn’t afford to move out it was a huge wake up call. I was frustrated because I knew I shouldn’t be in this financial position given my circumstances.”
Paige was spending most of her earnings on materialistic items and found herself in an addictive cycle where enough was never enough. “I thought the more I bought, the better I would be. I really believed these items were going to give me status and success and I got carried away.”
After finding no relatable support online, Paige started her business to help others in the same boat. She now supports women with effectively budgeting, paying off debt and tackling the emotions which drive them to shop. “The case for a lot of women is believing these items are going to make them feel worth a million dollars, when in fact you can’t buy self confidence. If you’re suffering financial consequences and not making meaningful progress towards any other goals, then shopping is too big of a priority.”
Shaun also emphasised that money issues and debt are the most common warning signs that your shopping is part of a bigger problem. “Losing track of your spending and spending more than you actually have is something to look out for. This can indicate a bigger issue that is encouraging you to shop, such as stress, low self esteem, anxiety or having materialistic values.” He highlighted the importance of identifying these causes, as sourcing the right help will prevent damage to your bank balance and your mental well-being.
22-year-old Maisie struggled in other aspects of her life and managed to wind up in over £2000 of debt. She said that her excessive shopping habits were the first sign that she may have a mental health condition but she still feels that she must spend to survive. “I know I’ve always shopped to make myself feel better. When I got my first job at 15 I wasn’t doing well at school and I would spend all my money straight away. It got so extreme that my parents stepped in and that’s when we realised it aligned with my mental health. I don’t feel in control a lot of the time, like I have tried budgeting but my mentality is just money is there to be spent.”
Although Maisie received a medical diagnosis, she has struggled to control her spending and when she is struggling mentally shopping is what she turns to. “Before I dropped out of university, I spent insane amounts because I was so depressed and I ended up being £1500 into my overdraft. I don’t feel in control a lot of the time and nobody really talks about having a spending problem. It does make you feel super childish that all your friends can save and you can’t.”
Getting into debt only made Maisie feel more stressed. She felt unable to keep up with her shopping habits and began using a popular buy now, pay later scheme to compensate. “When I first used Klarna I didn’t look into it at all. I didn’t know how it would affect my credit score, I just thought if you can split it into three why wouldn’t you? I loved it at first but ended up owing like 500 quid and it was so overwhelming. Half my pay cheque would be gone on Klarna payments and by that point the adrenaline rush of buying the clothes had worn off. It only added to my debt.”
Shaun explained that the urge to splurge is more about the chase than the end product. “A lot of the time when we shop it’s a longing for something that we don’t have and we feel adrenaline about the prospect of having it. Once we actually own the item it becomes a lot less exciting and that feeling will wear off, so we ultimately become obsessed with the next thing.”
However, being obsessed with shopping isn’t just at fault of the consumer. Paige emphasised that we live in society where there is constantly a new ‘It Girl’ aesthetic and we’re left desperately trying to fit the mould and feel accepted. “Our culture praises consumption and we purchase items to fill societal expectations. There’s always new trends being forced at us by social media and influencers, like being a clean or messy girl, and each one comes with a whole new wardrobe. It’s exhausting but there’s the worry that if you don’t conform people will think you’re weird.”
Consumerism has been glamorised, normalised and personalised through influencer marketing and social media. According to the Digital 2023 Global statshot report, 31.8% of social media users are aged between 20 and 29, which takes the majority and proves how absorbed we are with the online world in our twenties. Without realising we are all ‘influenced’ on a daily basis.
25-year-old Hannah has been trying to change her mindset after deleting TikTok and avoiding impulse buys. “When Tik Tok became popular and everybody became an influencer, I’d want everything I saw they had. They present these products and aesthetics in such a glamorised way it makes you think you’ll have your life together if you get them too.
“There’s trends on there like being a vanilla girl, where you have Uggs and a Stanley cup. These are both really expensive items but because the girls online look gorgeous with them you don’t even hesitate to buy it. It’s such a trap of thinking these things will get you validation and acceptance.
“It did take me a while to realise items won’t get rid of my insecurities and when I deleted TikTok it stopped me being exposed to so many micro trends. One of my friends got the Adidas Sambas and I actually hated them because I didn’t know they were the latest aesthetic. It’s crazy how much power social media has in encouraging you to buy stuff.”
Paige advised that to avoid impulse buys we must be mindful with our purchases. “Always think about if you’ll be wearing it in three years time and if you even liked it before it was all over social media. I also recommend not buying something you haven’t been thinking about for more than 24 hours. The best thing to do is leave it for a couple of days and see if you still want it. With an impulse buy we aren’t looking for the product, we’re looking for the momentary dopamine.”
Shaun also recommends that when you feel the urge to shop, you should take a step back and evaluate how you’re feeling and what you’re hoping to achieve. Seeing friends, watching a movie or journaling your emotions are some of his recommendations to feel better without spending a bomb.
So, let’s recap what we’ve learnt. It’s clear that we can use shopping as a comfort blanket to avoid the other dilemmas, embarrassments and conflicts in our lives. Whether we lack self confidence, struggle with comparison, feel out of control or crave acceptance, shopping is often our coping mechanism. It not only gives us that instant boost we need to improve our mood, we also believe this new purchase will drastically improve our quality of life. Well, I hope we have gathered by now that is not the case and relying on shopping can cause more harm than good. Next time you feel rubbish and want that new Jelly Cat, Stanley cup or pair of adidas sambas, ask yourself if this is an impulse buy or something with longevity. There is nothing wrong with treating ourselves but let’s be sensible now girls.
