Founder of Sober Girl Society delves into her enriched life without alcohol and how her sobriety simultaneously fuelled the creation of a thriving community. Millie opens up about sober dating, struggles with mental health and self worth.
“Some-how I’d got from Kent to London, I had these flash-backs of being in an uber but had no record of that on my phone. Still to this day I have no idea how I got back, that‘s terrifying.“ Millie Gooch revealed an unsettling memory of an intoxicated night out, as she reflects on one of the distressing nights she’s never forgotten.
Six years after graduating from Sussex university in February 2018, Millie‘s “short break” from alcohol and insufferable hangovers, unbeknown to her, was the start of a new life but also a new business.
Ultimately it was the misery Millie felt after she drank that made her re-think her relationship with alcohol. She said: “I tormented myself that no one liked me, I was a piece of shit and I got really in my head. It made me so anxious and depressed after drinking. I was waking up not remembering the nights, which was awful. I normalized it because I was young.”
When reflecting on that morning after she drank that lead to her sobriety, she shared how she thought “I’m sick and tired of my own shit at this point. So I just told myself I’m not going to drink for the foreseeable. I never said I’ll never drink again, I just needed a big, hard reset. I never put any dates on it but here I am, it just carried on.”
Millie explained how it wasn’t the dramatic low point you may expect that pushed her to sobriety because “shame can be such a trigger so when I’d wake up feeling horrendous, I couldn’t even think about not drinking because I’d just want to forget it even happened and go out again next week.
That day I stopped was an awful hangover but that wasn’t the worst I’d ever had. I guess because it wasn’t so horrendous I had more clarity and so I could see, it’s enough. When people do the worst things and reach the lowest lows they continue because their too low to pick themselves back up.”
Seven months into sobriety Millie was struggling to navigate her new sober life, admitting how isolating it felt in the beginning. The lack of support or understanding is what made her take matters into her own hands, and this is where Sober Girl Society was born.
Working as a journalist at the time, Millie said: “I was already starting to write about my journey to sobriety so I thought if I start this, I can post about what I am writing about and meet some like-minded people along the way. Never in a million years did I think this would become my full-time job.”
Now the community has over 200 thousand followers on Instagram. The gap in the sober market for young British women that Millie felt needed filling has obviously met the needs of thousands of other women like her.
Continuing to stay sober isn‘t what Millie battles with now and she accredits that to “a shift in awareness and knowledge of sobriety that has happened. It feels like the stigma surrounding relationships with alcohol is starting to really be whittled away. There’s’ also so many alcohol-free options today that just weren‘t on offer seven years ago.”
However, when confronted with some of the challenges and emotions of daily life, Millie candidly admits: “I’d love to not be in my brain sometimes, so that’s the difference that not having alcohol means I have to confront.”
In moments where she‘s needed a distraction from those darker thoughts Millie said: “the escapism reading gives me is a great tool to stop thinking about something else that’s not benefiting me, it’s a replacement for drinking which is a method far less healthy.”
Millie’s life since going sober is “varied and different, instead of the mundane repetition of going out every weekend and then spending the week hungover and depressed.”
It’s all aspects of her life that seem to have felt the impact, she proudly shared: “I am there for people when they need me, I am so much more present and less selfish. I don’t cancel plans, I don’t flake on people. I’m not throwing money down the drain drinking. I buy clothes, books and things I care for. My health is better, I have a vitality for life and my mental health is the biggest change, I feel steady and calm for the first time.”
Sober dating is often discussed as something to be feared or avoided; Tinder conducted a survey earlier this month which showed 69% of young adults are dating only with alcohol. Yet Millie praises her newfound love for sober dating and her romantic relationships post alcohol.
“When I had my first boyfriend, I was out drinking all the time and causing arguments, there was drama in all my relationships I’ve had whenever I’ve been drinking, that was definitely true. Now, my relationships are less volatile. When you’re dating with alcohol you think you love everyone you come off a date with, actually months later when you‘re around them sober you realise you have zero chemistry.
Sober dating is enlightening, it’s allowed me to see things much clearer. To begin with the thought of going on a date with no alcohol made me so anxious but I see it as empowering now and it just means I waste less of my own time and probably men’s time.”
The Sober Girl Society continues to grow and the attraction to a sober lifestyle does seem to be becoming more appealing amongst young adults. NHS statistics for 2022 showed 38% of 16-24 year olds and 21% of 25 to 34-year-olds in England either don‘t drink or haven’t drunk in the last 12 months.
Millie believes that “It’s a great time to go sober, there’s so many incredible resources out there, books, blogs and podcasts. Just seek out what else you find fun and ways to unwind.” The community Millie has built is one of the many platforms now available to offer support to young women who are sober and sober curious in today’s society. But it’s not only achieved success for the woman joining but Millie spoke about what this community has given back to her. “The biggest lesson that this this has taught me is we’re sold too much that we don’t need to enjoy life. For any area of your life, you’re just taught things that then you know to be true. So for years I thought, oh my god I couldn’t imagine my life without alcohol. Now, I’m living it. You can be happy without the stuff that you once believed you could never be happy without.
Over this journey I’ve had It’s shown me how people can change, the classic saying that a ‘leopard can’t change its spots’ but when I look back at myself 10 years ago, I am an entirely different person. I see the girls who come to my meet ups and hear their stories and I think wow, people are so capable of change.”
In an age saturated with digital media and people feeling less connected, Millie says “there’s nothing like meeting people, especially in real life. Sharing stories with each other, allowing us to feel less isolated. I remember when I first stopping drinking, I thought no one else had this relationship with alcohol, none of my friends struggled with black-outs. Then I met like-minded people and hearing their stories was incredible. I felt less alone and that’s the amazing thing a community like this provides.”
With surges of new information about alcoholism and the number of people becoming sober rapidly growing, Millie acknowledges how overwhelming it can be to know where to start on a journey to sobriety and she believes “Theirs’ no benchmark for what is and isn’t great, a problem for someone with loads of money, who blows £400 every Friday night might not be a big deal for them. For someone else that’s their entire monthly savings, so everything is relative.
So just question is it really a problem for you? Is it affecting your mental health. Is it affecting your physical health? Is it affecting your relationships? Don’t compare your drinking problems to anyone else, the biggest and most important thing is does it matter and affect you?”
As she reflected on the past seven years of sobriety Millie admitted: “I think when you go sober theirs a pressure on how those around now see you and how proud you’ve made family and friends, but I think I’m most proud of me. Because only I know truly how I used to view myself and how I see myself now. I feel sad for old me to reflect on how little I thought of myself, going sober gave me clarity on how strong and great I think I am.”
