Anxiously checking your phone to see if they have responded, expensive Christmases, and rehashing the same issues again and again and again. I have no peace. I will be the first to say there are definitely perks of cutting free to embrace single life but are we faced with unexpected pitfalls?
I found once you have dealt with the awkwardness of informing your family and friends that the last relationship didn’t work out, a few months pass and it’s not a matter of if but when the question is going to be asked.
‘‘Are you seeing anyone?’’
‘‘I’m just happy by myself at the minute,’’ I defensively chime back. Every time.
Although a rarity, there have been times when the impulse to re-enter the dating scene has won, normally late at night on a Sunday. Routinely I unpause Hinge to get my monthly fix of hot or not. Each month it’s the same result, my self-esteem takes a hit as I am faced with insufferable profiles who think they have a chance, so the app gets deleted.
Although content we are back to square one…single.
Relationships to me have never been a necessity but more so a fun addition. So for some who may find the possibility of being single terrifying or maybe even unimaginable, for me, it was never a concern. However, as I approach 18 months of single bliss, I wonder if I am holding myself back.
‘‘Getting back into the dating environment might be difficult after finding peace and contentment in solitude,’’ says Sophie Cress, licensed therapist and mental health expert. ‘‘One of the primary reasons for this difficulty lies in the shift of focus from internal to external validation. During self-discovery, individuals often learn to derive fulfilment and validation from within themselves rather than seeking it from romantic relationships. Re-entering the dating scene requires them to navigate a realm where approval and acceptance from others become crucial factors, it is this transition that can disrupt the sense of self-assuredness.
‘‘While it’s natural to prioritise one’s well-being, excessively guarding oneself against potential hurt or disappointment may result in missed opportunities for love. Individuals must examine their desire to stay single and consider whether these motivations are rooted in genuine self-care or fear-based avoidance.’’
The unpeaceful maze of dating is one I am still navigating but when I do want to meet someone, where am I going to find them? Stuck with my sights set on having a meet cute the scene of apps and DM slides doesn’t appeal.
‘‘The dating landscape has evolved considerably, especially with technology and online dating platforms. Navigating this complex and often superficial environment can be overwhelming for individuals who have grown accustomed to deeper connections and meaningful interactions,’’ says Cress. ‘‘The pressure to conform to societal expectations of attractiveness, success, and compatibility can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and apprehension about re-entering the dating scene.’’
Being single often gets branded as something you should fear but so far I have only reaped the rewards. I have saved money, got fewer responsibilities and filled my spare time with new interests. However, it is not always easy to see that as you resume your position as the perpetual third wheel amongst your friends. But if they ever throw you pitying looks, feel confident in your newfound independence.
‘‘One of the most significant advantages of being single is the ability to focus on one’s wants, interests, and goals without the limitations of a romantic relationship. Thanks to this autonomy, people can explore their identities,’’ says Cress. ‘‘Being single allows people to grow in their capacity for resilience and adaptation to deal with life’s obstacles independently.’’
It’s Friday night. You are tucking into a meal that is supposedly meant to feed two, and living vicariously through Andie Anderson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I think we all are guilty of fantasising about which trope of rom-com we would be. Whether it’s enemies to lovers (who doesn’t want their own version of Daphne and the Duke of Hastings love story) , opposites attract or friends to lovers. As much as we love our independence being on the receiving end of ‘just because’ flowers would open anyone’s heart to romantic possibilities.
According to Cress, there are experiences unique to relationships which can help improve our overall mood. ‘‘Sharing life with someone else can provide new perspectives, challenges, and insights that may not arise in solitary experiences. Romantic relationships can enhance physical intimacy and affection which fulfils fundamental human needs for touch,’’ she says. ‘‘Physical intimacy not only fosters emotional bonds but also promotes overall well-being with oxytocin and endorphins, which can reduce stress, and improve health.’’
Despite the benefits that may accompany a relationship, they do not come without the need for compromise and communication. So as long as the reason for your singleness is not an avoidant tactic you can continue relishing in the simplicity of life. Developing just as meaningful connections, romantic or platonic, but having the freedom to seize any and every opportunity that presents itself to you.
Expert insight: Sophie Cress
Sophie Cress is a mental health and relationship expert. She has worked with a range of UK publications.
